There is no right or wrong answer. Millions of married men face this gut wrenching issue. We’ll spend years living with our spouse without knowing she is unhappy. Women many times will just suffer, be unsatisfied and remain silent of her true feelings in the marriage. On one odd day she’ll drop the bomb on you.
If you’re willing to listen to her, she’ll reveal her needs through communication. Though she doesn’t just come right out and say “I’m sick of this sh*t,” but she’ll definitely hint it and it’s you’re job to catch it. She’ll even have sex with you, probably enjoy it and still “want out.”
Communication is the most sacred tool for every couple. It’s the only way to understand and establish a foundation together. Each partner must be willing to get really really good at communicating with each other. There’s no other option.
According to marriage.com, communication is the third most common cause of divorce. If a couple cannot communicate on all levels respectfully, the marriage is subject to divorce.
How important is listening?
It’s your greatest asset! Giving Her your undivided attention allows you to understand what’s going on in her heart and mind. She’s literally revealing what’s inside. Take a moment and try to put yourself in her shoes.
DO NOT INTERRUPT HER!
It only clarifies how much you’re not listening. Little sayings like: Absolutely, Oh no, I agree, Your Right is confirmation she’s being heard. No more than that. Let her expressing her full thoughts for as long as she needs too.
Also, when listening show empathy, even if she’s chewing you out. Perhaps, she telling you to step your game up in someway. Listen and take notes.
It’s easy to respond immaturely, argumentatively or reject every words she says. Responding with a constructive motive indicates to her that you understand her needs. Those first few words you say determines everything. (see Discussing conflicts below).
Have all your thoughts and main points together so you actually know what you’re talking about and your partner is able to follow. Always remain respectful and have a moderate tone when responding. The idea is to be heard, not have a screaming contest.
It’s okay to be vulnerable.
Being vulnerable is you opening up to her about your feelings. This strengthens the relationship on an emotional level. This type of interaction expands the trust between you two. It allows you to share any anger, hurt or deep feelings you may be experiencing. So let it flow out.
Always speak to lift her up. Motivate your spouse in every way possible. You guys are a TEAM. Her success is your success. If there’s an obstacle she’s facing, ask her, “What can WE do to get over this hump together.”
This is the toughest part. No one likes to discuss sensitive or sore subjects. Start with positive words before bring up the negative. Example: “Sweetheart thanks for being a great wife and mom to our beautiful children. I need a little help cleaning around the house, do you think WE can create a cleaning schedule for the week?” This way you started off positive, presented the negative and ended with a suggested solution. This type of strategy helps ease the conflict and prevent her from defending herself.
Positive communication establishes a healthy environment for couples to grow and be more productive in building a strong foundation.
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