Millennials: What questions should I ask before proposing?

Getting engaged is the biggest most exciting commitment a couple can make.  The thrill of possibility brings chills.  It’s intoxicating!  But what do we actually know about marriage?  Very little.  Many awesome men plummet their marriages primarily because it’s Rocket Science!  Right?

A quick Google search indicates, as of today, 41% of marriages end in divorce.

With so much easy access, temptation and bait in the world, we need at women just right to overcome our pickiness.

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Here are 5 questions you should ask your future wife be proposal:

  1. Is this relationship real or a trend?

This is a quick test to see where she’s at mentally.  She will definitely be caught off guard by this, but it’s a chance to get her first reaction answer.  It’s imperative that you both are headed in the right direction.  Believe it or not, some people get caught up in the fantasy or maybe they’ve recently read a bestseller romance novel.

You want a partner who’s willing to strap up for a lifelong roller coaster ride of berserk fun and difficult obstacles.  Men are required to develop a daily habit of understanding her thoughts and actions.  So, make sure this isn’t an Instagram or Snapchat event.

  1. What are her Goals?

This gives you an idea of what path she’s taking or what you can expect from her.  A famous quote from Benjamin Franklin says, “If you fail to plan, you are planning to fail.” If she has no clue of direction, it’ll only cause frustration in the long run.  Now, if she has an idea, that goods.  Find creative ways to help her discover her passion.

In the book Mastery by Robert Greene, he influence readers to reflect back to their childhood to discover their life’s task.  Think about it.  Back then you were much more imaginative and worry free.  What activities did you often gravitate too?  What did you daydream about all the time?  Maybe you reenacted your favorite TV show or movie skit in the mirror?  What brought you ultimate joy?   Take that thing, find out what are the requirements and pursue it.  If it’s not achievable, do something that is in the realm of that thing.  For example, if you desire to play football, but you physically can’t, then coach football, be the teams photographer, videographer etc…  Help her figure it out!

  1. Do you have a spiritual practice?

A little perspective always helps.  Every person needs to believe in something. Invisible or not.  No matter what you call it.  A fresh perspective in a dark reality can reposition your approach on conquering hardships.

Principals and morals don’t just enter a person automatically.  It’s practiced.  She needs to have a way to release stress, reduce anxiety and recenter herself.  Daily.  The power of believing in something greater than yourself in the world helps.

Why is this important?  Because women deal with a lot internally.  Things like prayer, meditation or writing provides her with a boost of strength to draw from. Meditation is a great way to declutter negative energy.  Prayer replenishes her hope and gratitude towards life and wellbeing.  Writing will allow her brain to discharge every thought that occurs and usually that’s provides therapy as a result.

  1. Together or separate finances?

It all depends on the couple.  Finances ranks the #2 cause of divorce.  There’s always a saver and a spender.  Many couples think having one mutual account builds trust and openness, but that’s not a fact.  Merging accounts is often a set up for disaster, especially if both parties don’t agree on spending habits.  But it can be done.

Separate bank accounts in a relationship allows each individual to be at ease.  They have a sense of independence.  Whenever a couple needs to come together to accomplish a financial goal, often times splitting the payment 50/50 is preferable.

Or have three accounts, two separate and one mutual account.  Agree to put a certain amount in savings for the future.  It all depends on the characteristics of both individuals.

  1. Do you want kids?

This question may reroute your proposal decision.  Maybe you want kids and she flat out doesn’t.  That’s probably a deal breaker.

People are obsessed with their freedom.  The ability to come and go as you please, book last minute cruise vacations, 8 hours of noninterrupted deep sleep or not having to push a heavy stroller around.

On the flip side kids are super fun, they’re a reflection of you, you will always be needed and you have the opportunity to experience instant unconditional love.

 

B.L. Crawford

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